Originally posted 14 December 2018.
Seek the struggle!
I have been having a tough couple of weeks here in France. I have been alone a lot recently. I am taking on tasks that I have not been confident about. It has gotten me down at points but now as I am writing this I feel proud of myself that I have stuck to my guns and slowly figured things out.
I have been struggling due to the lack of control I have been feeling. I have tasks to achieve and although I am achieving them in the process I have not felt confident before hand. When something is new it is uncomfortable, your mind has not experienced what you are about to attempt. This is the point where I freeze and have to think hard. This is where people look for help as they start to doubt themselves. I have thought about quitting, but then I tell myself that struggle is the catalyst for growth.
This is probably the first time I have been 1000 miles away from home on my own and accountable for the outcome. It truly has been a testing experience which I am now getting to grips with. I do not speak very good french and this affects my confidence but I am taking that as my responsibility and slowly learning the language.
A big help has been books and seeking great stoic minds on the likes of youtube. Reading and learning from people like Jordan Peterson has been such a great guidance for me. Knowing that chaos is inevitable and to counter the chaos you need to have meaning in order to combat the chaos.
Although the reading does help it simply can not help through the words alone. You have to seek the struggle, seek the uncomfortable and experience it for yourself and feel how powerful and overwhelming that can be on your psyche.
I am constantly trying to get out of my comfort zone and to be honest most of the time I regret it until I come out the other side and have more confidence in myself.
Seek the struggle and reap the rewards.